The Lavender Lounge

Would you be angry if I kept rereading our conversations over and over again?

Would you be upset if I replayed all the songs you sang to me?

Would you mind if I kept revisiting the good days, the difficult ones, and every ordinary moment that somehow became extraordinary because you were there?

I know I shouldn't.

But what you left behind are the only pieces of you I still have. They're the only memories I can still hold on to.

Sometimes they keep me going. Other times they quietly drive me crazy, pretending that one day I'll wake up and be okay.

There is something about eclipses that people rarely talk about.

We remember how beautiful they are. We gather to witness them, we stand still beneath the sky, and for a few breathtaking moments we believe the impossible has happened—that two worlds have become one.

But eclipses are beautiful precisely because they cannot last.

If the moon remained before the sun forever, the world would freeze in darkness. Life depends on both of them continuing on the paths they were created to follow. Their brief meeting is not a failure of the universe; it is the

very reason it remains in balance.

Perhaps that was us.

I don’t have many beautiful memories of my childhood due to early trauma, but there is one specific image that has stayed with me until now: witnessing a total solar eclipse, watching the moon pass directly in front of the sun. It was a rare, breathtaking collision of darkness and light, a moment where the entire world stood completely still just to witness two celestial bodies cross paths in the open sky. I realize now that our connection was exactly like that eclipse. The sun and the moon belong to entirely different spheres of the universe; they move on completely separate orbits, yet for one brief, miraculous moment in time, fate forces their paths to align in perfect harmony. Just like them, a once in a lifetime alignment doesn't need a crowded room or a public title to matter; it can be a rare, sacred phenomenon meant to be seen…

No revenge, because deep down I know he is still a good person who is just fighting his own battles.

His battles aren't mine to carry, and his pain isn't mine to punish.

And even though he caused me pain, I would never want pain for him.

I'd never wish more suffering on someone who's already at war with himself. I hope and pray he finds the version of himself that knows how to love

without leaving destruction behind.

It was painful, ❤️‍🩹

Love doesn't end with death.

The reason it hurts so much is because the love is still there. That love doesn't disappear—it just no longer has a physical place to land. So, it turns into memories, habits, values, and quiet moments where you still feel them.

Not knowing that loving someone for the first time meant losing yourself—and there was no one there to catch.

Heaven gained an angel, and my heart lost a home.

But I know she will always live within me.🕊️

Experiencing the quite heavy burnout ever. I'm numb and staring into space, carrying

a heavy weight of emotions that I can't quite explain or understand.

I'm completely disconnected from my own feelings Floating in the transition phase—the old ways are gone, the new ones aren't here yet, and the space between them is both chaotic and serene. It's leaving deep scars, and empty to even react. p.s My last two brain cells are just playing ping-pong at this point.